happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
