how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dignity is for republicans.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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