I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
