Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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