So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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