i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
