nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
