As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
