She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
