there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
