i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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