We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
