he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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