WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize