your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just invented taco cereal.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
