erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
