You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize