I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
