And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
