fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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