why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
