The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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