She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
