think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
