Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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