They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
