i just had sex bonerless
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
