my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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