just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
