Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
