Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
