did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
