i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
