dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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