My room smells like vodka and shame
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Less talking, more tequila
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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