i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
