hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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