the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
