took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
