We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
