apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
