Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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