I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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