i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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