You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize