He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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