So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize