I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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