The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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