i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
