the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
