Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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