dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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