We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
