Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
