I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
