yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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