I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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