Banned from zoo.
Again?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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