butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
