At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
