I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
