we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
