The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
