I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If that was your dad, he is hot
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
