Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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