There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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