My friends, they love my intelligence
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
4 words: hood of his car
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
