I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
