I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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