So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
