Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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