then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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