Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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