At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
