After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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