Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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