My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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