I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
