All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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